Conflict & communication
Ways to support managers who must resolve sibling rivalry-like conflicts between long-tenured colleagues with diplomacy and fairness.
A practical guide for leaders and HR partners to bolster managers facing entrenched rivalries among seasoned employees, offering fair processes, clear expectations, and compassionate communication strategies that preserve teamwork and organizational integrity.
Published by
Henry Brooks
July 26, 2025 - 3 min Read
Long-tenured teams occasionally encounter friction that resembles a sibling rivalry, where history, status, and unspoken loyalties shape every interaction. When managers confront these dynamics, they carry a heavy responsibility: to restore trust without favoritism, to set boundaries without punitive overreach, and to preserve morale across the department. The most effective approach starts with a candid, data-informed assessment of the conflict’s root causes. This includes listening sessions, reviewing performance records, and mapping how the dispute affects project outcomes. With a solid factual baseline, leaders can design a resolution plan that treats all parties fairly, reduces defensiveness, and signals commitment to objective, humane leadership.
A practical framework for managers emphasizes transparency, consistency, and empathy. Begin by articulating a shared goal: sustaining operational excellence while maintaining respectful working relationships. Then establish clear expectations about professional conduct, decision-making processes, and accountability. Invite each colleague to surface their perspective in a structured, nonconfrontational setting, guided by a neutral facilitator if needed. By giving voice to concerns while maintaining safety for participants, the manager can identify overlapping interests and areas where compromise is possible. The result is not merely a temporary ceasefire but a sustainable pattern of collaboration built on predictable rules and mutual accountability.
Techniques for equitable dialogue and shared accountability.
Restoring trust in a long-standing team requires more than issuing a directive; it demands consistent behavior over time and visible commitment to fairness. Managers should model quiet confidence, not dominance, and avoid triangulation by keeping conversations direct with the involved parties. Establishing a shared decision-making protocol helps reduce the sense that outcomes are arbitrary. When two seasoned colleagues disagree, the manager can propose a rotating peer-review mechanism for contentious choices, ensuring each viewpoint is weighed against objective criteria. This approach creates a sense of shared stewardship rather than a power struggle, signaling to the entire group that expertise is valued, but not immune to accountability.
Another essential element is documenting the process with clear, concise records. Written guidelines help prevent misinterpretations and provide a durable reference for future situations. The manager should record agreed-upon expectations, timelines for resolving issues, and the metrics used to evaluate progress. Transparency in documentation reassures both parties and the broader team that distinctions are not personal but professional. Simultaneously, it’s important to protect confidentiality and avoid public shaming. When done thoughtfully, documentation reinforces trust and reduces the chance of new conflicts arising from rumor, speculation, or perceived favoritism.
Creating policies that deter relapse into old patterns.
Equitable dialogue begins with a neutral setting and a structured talk that emphasizes listening before prescribing solutions. Encourage each party to summarize the other’s point of view, then verify accuracy before moving forward. The manager should avoid loaded language or accusatory tones, focusing instead on observable behaviors and concrete impact on the team’s goals. By centering on professional outcomes rather than personal grievances, the conversation stays productive. Equally important is setting measurable, time-bound goals for behavior and collaboration. When both colleagues see tangible progress, they are more likely to adjust their working styles in ways that benefit everyone, including the organization’s broader mission.
Shared accountability translates into formalized remedies that bind all parties to a common standard. A practical option is to assign joint accountability for a specific project or milestone, with a transparent rubric for evaluating collaboration. This arrangement demonstrates that both colleagues contribute value and must align their approaches to succeed. It also reduces the perception that one person holds all the influence. Regular check-ins, guided by an impartial moderator, help sustain momentum and provide early opportunities to course-correct. Over time, constructive collaboration becomes the default, and resistance to cooperation diminishes as trust naturally grows.
Balancing fairness with delivery timelines and organizational needs.
Policy clarity matters because it frames everyday interactions. Leaders should translate lofty values into concrete behaviors: timely communication, receptive feedback, and impartial conflict resolution. When policies are explicit, employees know what is expected and what happens if standards aren’t met. This transparency lowers defensiveness and encourages accountability. Furthermore, managers can embed these policies into performance reviews, linking teamwork metrics with individual evaluations. The result is a system that rewards collaborative behavior and discourages backsliding into self-protective postures. By aligning policy with practice, organizations create a durable culture in which seasoned colleagues understand that cooperation is a driver of career longevity, not a threat.
Another dimension of durable policy is escalation pathways that are fair and accessible. Provide confidential channels for concerns that cannot be resolved in a single discussion, along with a choice of neutral mediators. A well-designed escalation process reduces anxiety about speaking up and ensures that issues do not fester. It also provides a safety valve for parties who fear retaliation or reputational damage. When managers know there is a trusted route for airing grievances, they can focus on productive problem-solving rather than defensive posturing. This fosters psychological safety, which is essential for long-tenured teams facing complex interpersonal dynamics.
Sustaining a culture where rivalries are transformed into collaboration.
Balancing fairness with delivery demands requires strategic prioritization and realism. Managers should map conflict resolution to project timelines, ensuring that critical deadlines are met while relationships heal. If necessary, temporary role adjustments or workload realignments can prevent further friction while a more permanent solution is pursued. Communicate any changes clearly, with rationale anchored in team welfare and organizational outcomes. It’s essential to explain why a delay or rerouting of responsibilities serves the greater good. When people perceive decisions as purposeful rather than punitive, they are more willing to participate in the healing process and sustain collaborative energy during transition periods.
A practical approach to maintaining momentum is to embed small, repeatable rituals that reinforce positive behavior. Short weekly standups that focus on progress and collaboration, paired with quarterly reviews of teamwork metrics, can keep the conversation anchored in outcomes. These rituals create predictable touchpoints for acknowledgment and adjustment, reducing the likelihood of relapse into old patterns. By normalizing constructive talk and transparent feedback loops, managers help long-tenured colleagues reframe competition as healthy ambition that benefits the whole unit, rather than personal victory over a rival.
The long view requires cultivating a culture that rewards collaboration as a strategic capability. Leaders should celebrate examples of successful interdependence, recognizing both the individual contributions and the team-based outcomes. Public recognition should be paired with private coaching to reinforce desired behaviors, ensuring that high performers do not feel sidelined. By weaving collaboration into the fabric of performance discussions, organizations communicate that teamwork is not an afterthought but a measurable driver of success. Over time, the difference between rivalry and healthy competition becomes a shared understanding that motivates continuous improvement rather than corrosive conflict.
Finally, investing in ongoing education about conflict resolution helps sustain progress across generations of employees. Training modules focused on active listening, bias awareness, and inclusive communication equip managers to handle future frictions with greater ease. When organizations commit to refresher sessions and knowledge sharing, they create a resilient system that adapts to changing dynamics without sacrificing fairness. The cumulative effect is a workforce that can navigate intricate relationships with diplomacy, integrity, and respect—qualities that protect performance, retention, and culture in any long-tenured team.
