Play & development
Strategies for building resilient play habits by praising effort, persistence, and creative risk taking.
This evergreen guide explores practical, real-world strategies for encouraging kids to embrace effort, persevere through challenges, and take thoughtful, imaginative risks during play, fostering long-term resilience.
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Published by Ian Roberts
August 07, 2025 - 3 min Read
In many households, play is treated as pure entertainment, but it can be a powerful arena for shaping character. When children attempt new tasks, stumble, and try again, they learn about resilience in tiny, daily moments. Parents can support this process by shifting attention from immediate success to the quality of the effort: the focus is on how they approach a challenge, not only whether they finish perfectly. By narrating small observations—“You kept trying after that fall”—caregivers acknowledge struggle as a natural part of growth. This practice helps children develop a growth mindset, where effort and learning are valued as routes toward mastery rather than as evidence of fixed ability.
Praising effort, persistence, and creative risk taking should feel specific and sincere, not generic. Acknowledge concrete actions: choosing to slow down, testing different strategies, or imagining alternative endings to a scenario. When a child takes a creative risk—building a taller block tower, or making up a story with an surprising twist—validate the decision to experiment. Even if the result isn’t perfect, the child learns that risk can lead to discovery. Craft feedback that highlights the process: where they adjusted a plan, how they managed frustration, and what they learned for next time. This approach strengthens self-confidence and encourages ongoing curiosity.
Encourage ongoing experimentation and resilient risk taking in daily play.
The first step is to create a safe space where experimentation is welcomed, not judged. Parents can model calm problem solving by narrating their own attempts and missteps, showing that errors are valuable data points. When children see adults embrace uncertainty with patience, they learn to regulate emotions during setbacks. Create play scenarios with adjustable difficulty so children can progress at a pace that feels challenging yet achievable. This scaffolding supports persistence, as kids learn to set goals, monitor progress, and adjust tactics without fear of failure. As capability grows, so does willingness to engage in more inventive play.
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A key practice is explicit praise tied to effort rather than outcome. For example, “I notice you kept trying after the tower fell—your persistence paid off when you rebuilt it taller” reinforces the trait of perseverance. Avoid language that implies fixed talent, such as “You’re a natural,” which can discourage effort when obstacles appear. Instead, celebrate the choice of strategies: “Nice job trying a new approach,” and point to the steps that produced progress. Pair praise with questions that promote reflection: “What helped you decide to try a different plan?” This encourages thoughtful self-assessment and a sense of agency during play.
Resilient play grows when adults narrate learning and curiosity.
Beyond praise, structure matters. Provide play spaces with varied materials that invite different kinds of risk: soft ramps for cars, clay for shaping, blocks for balancing. The goal is not to win a competition but to explore possibilities. Offer challenges that are open-ended, so children decide the rules and outcomes. When a task feels too easy, invite a gentle progression—add slightly more complexity or introduce a new constraint. Conversely, if a task feels overwhelming, back off a little by reducing options or time pressure. The balance between challenge and capability is essential for sustaining engagement and reducing frustration.
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Encourage reflective pauses after play sessions. A simple routine—“What did you try? What worked? What will you try next time?”—helps children articulate their problem-solving processes. This practice strengthens metacognition, which is the ability to think about one’s own thinking. It also creates a clear link between effort and outcome, reinforcing the idea that improvement comes through deliberate practice. When children articulate their thinking, adults can gently guide them toward more effective strategies, while still honoring their autonomy. Over time, these conversations foster a resilient mindset that carries into school and friendships.
Translate play resilience into everyday routines with consistent supports.
The social dimension of play also matters. Encourage collaboration in ways that require patience and shared problem solving. When peers work together, celebrate each person’s contributions and emphasize listening as a critical skill. Interventions should focus on process as well as product: “Let’s try combining your idea with your friend’s,” or “What happens if both of you adjust your plans?” Such dialogue helps children learn to negotiate, manage conflicts, and persevere as a team. The cooperative elements of play model resilience in social contexts, reinforcing that persistence benefits everyone involved and that mistakes can be a springboard for joint growth.
Use real-life analogies to connect play lessons to daily life. For example, when cooking together, discuss why a recipe might need more time or a different pairing of flavors. When building a fort, talk about strengthening the structure by distributing weight more evenly. These practical associations help children transfer resilience strategies from structured play into everyday tasks. As kids see the relevance of effort and experimentation, they become more willing to tackle new chores, homework challenges, or unfamiliar activities with a steady, investigative stance. The bridge from play to life becomes a natural, reinforced pathway.
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Consistent, supportive guidance anchors resilient play habits.
Routines that honor effort can be woven into daily caregiving, from mealtimes to bedtimes. For instance, invite children to set a small goal for the day, such as finishing a puzzle or trying a new comfortable skill. Celebrate the outcome but center the discussion on the steps they took and the number of attempts they made. This approach shifts focus away from flawless performance and toward durable habits. Consistency matters; predictable messages about effort and process help children anticipate how to approach future difficulties with confidence. When children see that perseverance is valued across contexts, they internalize resilience as part of who they are.
Create gentle setbacks in a controlled way to practice resilience, such as timed challenges with forgiving rules or problem-solving games that require persistence. The aim is to make uncertainty manageable, not to induce frustration. Adults should stay emotionally present, offering calm support and strategic prompts instead of solving problems for them. This scaffolding teaches kids that perseverance is a shared journey with adults who guide rather than dictate. Over time, youngsters learn to navigate their own frustrations, reframe failures as useful data, and keep exploring despite discouraging moments.
As children grow, increase the complexity of challenges gradually while maintaining a safety net of encouragement. Introduce scenarios that require longer attention spans and more intricate sequences, but ensure there is a clear path to success through incremental milestones. When a setback occurs, revisit the problem with curiosity rather than judgment. Ask open-ended questions that invite multiple potential solutions and celebrate the ones that show persistence. This approach helps children build tolerance for ambiguity and a longer attention span, both of which underpin resilient play and lifelong learning.
Finally, cultivate a family culture that values curiosity, effort, and brave experimentation. Share stories of your own stumbles and recoveries to model vulnerability and perseverance. Create rituals that honor progress, not only achievement, and routinely acknowledge the creative risks your child takes. By centering resilience as a family practice—through praise, scaffolding, collaborative problem solving, and reflective dialogue—parents empower children to carry these habits into school, friendships, and future endeavors, turning playful resilience into durable character.
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