Safety & domestic violence
How to maintain privacy on social media and devices when an abusive partner monitors activity closely.
When safety is at stake, practical, stepwise privacy strategies empower victims to protect communications, data, and routines, while seeking support, documenting risks, and planning for safe exits.
Published by
Matthew Stone
August 08, 2025 - 3 min Read
In relationships where control is a pattern, privacy becomes a critical skill. You may feel watched, judged, and constrained by constant scrutiny over what you post, message, or search. The first step is to acknowledge the risk and respond with deliberate, low‑risk actions that do not reveal your intent. Start by auditing your current accounts from a neutral device, noting what apps are active and what permissions they hold. Disable unnecessary integrations, turn off location sharing, and review app permissions for camera, microphone, and contacts. Create resilience by separating personal commentary from private conversations, yet maintain a record of changes for future safety planning.
After laying a foundation, shift to safer communication practices that reduce traces of activity. Use two separate devices if possible: one for sensitive conversations and another for everyday tasks, but don’t assume the second device is fully safe. Update your software and passwords, enabling strong authentication and recovery options that only you control. Consider communication apps with end‑to‑end encryption and privacy features, and avoid sharing sensitive information over public networks. Establish a discreet routine for updates and check-ins that won’t reveal your intention to friends or family members, which can be crucial when time and resources feel limited.
Safer posting and device practices that minimize exposure and risk.
Privacy requires a multi‑layered approach that protects messages, locations, and digital footprints. Start with a personal safety plan that includes emergency contacts, a trusted confidant outside the relationship, and a clear exit strategy. Map out how you would secure essentials if you needed to leave quickly, such as documents, money, and a spare phone. On devices, enable screen locks with unique codes and consider biometric options where available. Turn off unnecessary syncing, back up critical data to an offline drive, and maintain separate backups for important documents. The goal is to limit what a surveilling partner can access if they pressure you to reveal activities.
As you implement privacy steps, document suspicious behavior and potential risk indicators. Keep a private log of incidents, noting dates, times, and context. This record can be invaluable for legal or protective actions in the future. When feasible, use a trusted person to help you review devices and accounts, but be mindful of safety; do not reveal intentions that could escalate control. If you feel watched while posting or searching, pause and rethink the content you share publicly. Avoid posting real‑time location data or plans that could enable coercive monitoring or harassment.
Building a plan that prioritizes safety, privacy, and support.
Social media can become a trap when an abuser monitors every update. To reduce risk, adjust privacy settings to limit who sees your posts, friends lists, and location tags. Consider creating a private, offline archive of important memories rather than relying on cloud storage that could be accessed remotely. Use two‑factor authentication and change passwords frequently, especially after any incident that hints at a breach. Review connected apps and revoke access for ones you no longer use. When communicating with others about your safety plan, use neutral language that avoids revealing sensitive details to potential watchers.
In addition to technical protections, cultivate support networks that respect your privacy needs. Share your plan with trusted friends, family, or counselors in a controlled way, and practice what you will say if you need to disengage from a conversation that could become confrontational. Create safe words or check‑ins with a confidant. If you rely on public or community resources, verify their privacy policies and data handling practices before sharing personal information. Remember that you deserve privacy, and setting boundaries is a form of protection and self‑advocacy.
Stepwise routines to protect privacy on the go and at home.
Device privacy extends beyond apps to the physical space in which you live and work. Secure your devices in private areas where possible, and use sleep modes or screen time limits to reduce what others can glimpse when you’re away. Consider logging out of sensitive accounts between sessions, and avoid automatic sign‑ins on shared devices. Be cautious about smart home devices that track your habits or locations; disable features you don’t need and review each device’s privacy options. If you share a household, negotiate boundaries about monitoring and data collection, and document agreements in a written, accessible format.
When traveling or moving through different environments, apply additional precautions. Use data‑saver modes to limit what is uploaded over networks you don’t control, and avoid connecting to public Wi‑Fi for anything sensitive unless you’re using a trusted virtual private network. Regularly review browser histories and search activity for unfamiliar entries, and clear caches after critical sessions. If a privacy breach occurs, report it immediately to the appropriate platform and seek guidance from local support services. Keeping your routine predictable reduces the chance of inadvertently revealing information.
Seek support, prepare, and protect yourself with practical, actionable steps.
At home, privacy practices should feel doable and non‑dramatic. Keep personal devices secured in a dedicated space, with limited access to others in the household. Use guest networks when possible and disable auto‑connect features on all devices. Review shared accounts for family services and limit access to those features that aren’t essential. Establish a protocol for which devices can be used by others and under what circumstances. Teach household members about privacy basics, including the importance of not sharing passwords or private content without consent.
When feelings of danger rise, rely on trusted professionals who specialize in safety planning. A counselor, social worker, or domestic violence advocate can help you tailor privacy strategies to your circumstances. They can assist with risk assessments, safety‑planning sessions, and connections to services like legal aid, shelter, or confidential hotlines. Maintain a simple, clear plan that you can enact under stress, with prioritized steps such as securing funds, securing documents, and identifying a safe place to go. Practice the plan regularly so it feels familiar when it matters most.
Privacy is not about hiding from life; it is about reclaiming control in difficult situations. Begin by mapping your routines and identifying where monitoring is most intrusive. If a partner insists on knowing every move, practice calm, concise responses that neither provoke confrontation nor disclose sensitive details. Build a network of allies who can provide discreet support when needed. Consider temporary digital interruptions if a pattern of surveillance escalates, giving you space to regroup. Track progress by noting improvements in how you feel about your control over personal information, and celebrate every small victory toward greater autonomy.
Finally, remember that privacy planning is an ongoing process. Revisit your settings and routines periodically, adjusting to new devices, platforms, or threats. Stay informed about evolving privacy features and security practices, and be prepared to modify your plan as circumstances change. If you ever feel unsafe, reach out to local emergency services or a trusted advocate immediately. Your safety is paramount, and ensuring privacy is a meaningful step toward preserving it, enabling you to build a life with less fear and more agency.
